Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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