She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
