Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
