she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
