how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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