Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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