They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
