1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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