when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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