I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
"it" just moved
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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