I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
