Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
