I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
