and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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