so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
