I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
