is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
