I bet he comes in French.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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