I need to stop coming to work sober
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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