Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
