Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
