That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
