Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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