Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
