At least make sure they are 18
Why
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
