I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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