420 ftw
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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