So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
