so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How's work?
Spinning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
