um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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