so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
