Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
