What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I want to make a zoo with you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
