a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
