I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Come share oat with me in your robe
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
