Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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