I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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