I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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