okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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