That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
