Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
