One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
