If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
