How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
