His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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