Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
