can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
