I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
