I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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