just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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