I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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