I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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